Do you ever doubt God?
I do.
I know that I shouldn’t. I’ve read all the Bible verses, heard a heap of sermons, even seen God move in my life…and yet, there are moments I still have a hard time believing Him.
It’s not that I’m backslidden, or in rebellion, but you know, sometimes life gets pretty darn heavy and instead of keeping my eye on Jesus I step back and look at the storm.
Now, I could very well spend my time piling on the guilt and condemnation that doubting God could, or even should, bring, but then I think about Thomas.
You know Thomas. Disciple of Jesus. A close friend, who walked and talked and experienced miracles as they happened, and yet, the guy doubted Jesus had risen and appeared to the other disciples. So much so that he threw down the challenge; he wouldn’t believe until he could see and feel the wounds himself.
And what did Jesus do? Did He rail against the man? Did He send out His angels to punish him? Did He give Thomas the ‘silent treatment’?
No. He appeared to him, giving Thomas the proof he so desperately needed. No condemnation. No hate. No repercussions. Just a gentle rebuke and reminder to stop doubting and just believe.
That’s what God did for me the last two weeks while we were on vacation. Dozens of tiny miracles that would mean very little to someone else, but because God knows me intimately, He knew that they were the ‘proof’ I needed to restore my faith.
Things like knowing I love turtles and sending a sea turtle to swim within inches of me and then coming to bask on the beach in front of me. Taking a step into the ocean and having a seashell roll up to my feet the moment my foot touched the water, which happened multiple times. I dreamed we found a beach where the shells were plentiful, and the very next day finding that exact beach. Praying that God would bless us with a big shell, bigger than my hand, only to have Bryan pluck one from the sea. And yes, even finding some headbands that fit my weirdly shaped head comfortably.
Life happens, the waves sometimes thunder in and scare the dickens out of me, other times they roll in like warm butter on toast, but you know what I’m finding?
That God’s okay with my doubts.
He’s not scared by them. He’s not repulsed by them. They don’t make Him angry or want to exact revenge. He gets me. Through good or bad, thick or thin, God knows when my faltering faith needs shoring up and He’s more than willing to walk me through them.
Just like He did for Thomas, when Jesus shows up there’s no more room for doubt, just belief.