I need more God in my life.
I remember when He first called me, when our relationship was new, the thrill of discovery and the promise of new life that danced within my soul. I literally bathed in His presence, breathed in His grace, and life with Him was something that I longed for more than the very air that sustained me. He became everything good in my life, He was the food that I ate, the drink that intoxicated my soul, He was the very heartbeat that carried me through the hills and valleys of my life.
God had found me, called me by name, and made me His own. And that was enough.
But as it usually happens, the outside world began pushing in, clamoring for its share of attention. As I grew older more responsibilities bubbled up, popping on my heart’s surface, and with each gentle burst life began pushing me away from the very One who created me in the first place.
There’s a song that’s popular on the Christian radio stations, and to tell the truth the words have been weighing heavily upon my heart. It’s by Matt Redman, (“Your Grace Finds Me”) and the words that have been haunting me are…
So I’m breathing in Your grace, And breathing out Your praise, I’m breathing in Your grace, Forever I’ll be …
The truth of the matter, one that I have been decidedly unwilling to admit, is that this is no longer true of my life. Do I love God?..yes. Do I still walk with Him?..yes. Am I breathing in His grace daily?…no.
They say that confession can be good for the soul, so here I am, confessing. It’s been a terribly long time since I’ve felt that closeness with my Father, that…connection…so vital to my soul; and it is completely, irrevocably, my fault.
I didn’t mean for it to happen, but life just got…busy. I don’t even know when it happened, it was gradual until one day I woke up and realized that He was no longer the number one relationship in my life. I didn’t realize that His presence had slipped away because I was neglecting to nurture our relationship. Things like prayer, and Bible study, are a struggle now, because I am distracted by a myriad of other things, and I am finding that I can no longer breathe out His praise because I am no longer breathing in His grace.
But here’s the thing…it’s okay.
When I am unfaithful…He is not. When I am forgetful…He is not. When I am neglectful…He is not. All that is required of me is that I turn back to Him. I have to choose to daily breathe in His grace so that I can fully experience His praise.
It’s not a magic wand, it’s not a 12 step program…it’s just me, making choices every day on what I spend my time on, and Who I spend it with.
2 Corinthians 12:9 says it this way, He (God) said to me, “My grace is all you need…”
It’s through God’s grace…His love, His forgiveness, His patience, His mercy, His strength…that I am changed. I don’t have to be strong, I don’t need to clean myself up first…ALL that I need is found in Christ. I have to let go of myself, and let God take control. I just need…grace.
And that is more than enough.